Aviation jokes

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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess
where!"

Rating: 3.4 |

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."

"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

Rating: 2.6 |

Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.

"How come?," his nephew asked.

"My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.

"Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents."

Rating: 1.4 |

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

"In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?"

Rating: 3.0 |

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was too bad in New York to allow his usual on time departure. The weather in New York finally cleared and the pilot asked for
his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.

Sometime later he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule he inquired, quite
agitated, to the controller for the reason of the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.

The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, "Look buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don't see how I could be causing a noise problem for
pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!"

The controller answered in a calm voice, "Apparently, Captain, you have
never heard two 747's collide!"

Rating: 3.0 |

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