Aviation jokes

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Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with
20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane has
only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that
children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, "SCREW
THE CHILDREN!!" Michael Jackson's face lights up and he shouts, "YES,
YES!! But do we have enough time?"

Rating: 3.6 |

An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot over
the intercom said that the entire luggage needed to be thrown overboard
if they were to survive.


After all the luggage was thrown the plane was still going down so they
asked for volunteers. A man from Paris went to the door and said, "Viva
la France." Next a preacher went to the door and said, "Lord forgive me
for what I must do." Finally a rich Texas cattle rancher said, "Well
guess I got to do my part," and he grabbed two Mexicans and tossed them
out and yelled, "Remember the Alamo!.

Rating: 3.0 |

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped
a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped
a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking
down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the
gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was
crying she said "A rock fell from the sky, landed on my
cat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were very
sorry to here that and walked away.

The next house they came across a little further down
the road there was another woman crying. Being the
gentlemen they are they walk up to her and asked her why
she was crying she said "A brick fell from the sky, land-
ed on my dog , and now my dog is dead." The men said
they were very sorry to hear that and walked away.

The next house they came across a little further
down the road there was a man laughing his head off.
Wondering what was so funny they went up to ask him.
After they asked him he replied, "I bent over to get
the news paper this morning , I farted and my whole
house blew up!"

Rating: 2.4 |

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the
delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest
gate within the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as
you touch pen to paper. Or start to drink your coffee.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on
the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just
look for the two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the
lavatory.

The crying baby on board is always seated next to you.

The best-looking woman/man on your flight is never seated next to you.

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more
carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

Rating: 3.2 |

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial
airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show
up so they can get underway.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane,
and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.

Both appear to be blind.

The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right
and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using
a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge
sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be
some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the
engines start revving and the airplane starts moving down the
runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness,
whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the
stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin
panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets
closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming
more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left,
there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts
off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and
turns to the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers
aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!

Rating: 3.0 |

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