AlltheJokes.com
The best humor! Aviation jokes and funny stories.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops
down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake
the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't
climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big
guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of
nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and
he pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the
vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A
concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It's not
because of the film's content, it's because the people in the film are
eating better than the people on board.

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening
to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her
son said, "All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now,
cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are
getting on, get your asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off
now."

The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language
in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there
for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane, but I want
you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the
bedroom and resumes playing with his plane. Soon the mother heard her son
say, "All passengers who are deplaning, please remember to take all of
your belongings with you. We thank you for flying with us today and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again soon."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is
no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back
and relax. - OH MY GOD!"

Silence

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking
the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee
in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said: "That's nothing. He should see the back of
mine!"